Carol Ann Culbert Johnson

 Chapter One (Excerpt)

 Rejina James opened her eyes and stared at her lover, still sleeping soundly.  

She watched the bronze skin on his chest rise and fall with each deep breath

he took, his skin seeming to reflect the glow of the satin sheets in the early

evening twilight coming through the tall windows.   Even though she had been

dating Adonis Jones for three years, she still couldn’t believe this handsome

man wanted her.  She hoped he was beginning to take their relationship seriously

enough for the next step, marriage.  For her part, she loved him so much she

couldn’t imagine not spending the rest of her life with him. She dreamed about

the wedding day, but Adonis had not yet popped the question.    She was thinking

that perhaps she might propose to him.  After all, plenty of other women had

proposed to their men.  The only thing holding her back was the knowledge that

although he made love to her with a fierce intensity that said more than words,

Adonis had never come right out and told her he loved her. 

She stared around his bedroom, admiring again the sleek, modern furniture

and the soft, hand-loomed carpet on the floor.  Adonis was an almost- famous

photographer, commanding high fees for his work.  She loved his home on Lake

Shore Drive and was proud that a black man owned such a place. Although her

own home was nice, Adonis’ home was beautiful and luxurious.

Rejina reached for her robe and eased herself out of bed, taking care not to wake

the sleeping man.  She was tall, with long black hair and a pretty face on a size 20 body. 

At thirty years old, she had less experience with the opposite sex than most women,

finding that men preferred slender women to those like her of more ample proportions. 

The men that did ask her out were more interested in her large breasts and soft, jutting

behind than her mind.

She walked into the kitchen, taking a seat at the counter while she noted again the

trendy wall covering and the top-of-the-line modern appliances. She had to give it

to him.  Unlike a lot of men, Adonis had impeccable taste and put it to good use in the decorating of the condo. 

A frown marred her smooth, lovely face as she wondered, not for the first time, how

many other women had admired Adonis’ home.  But the frown soon gave way to

smiles as Rejina remembered their first meeting. Adonis had been the photographer

on one of her modeling shoots. Never before had she seen a man who so lived up to

his name and when he asked her out at the end of the fifth hectic day of shooting, she

had been speechless.  Now they had been together for three sensational years.

Rejina had never had a relationship last this long.  Most of her first dates ended up

in the bedroom and then she would sit by the telephone for days waiting for a call

that never came and crying herself to sleep at night, agonizing over yet another

failed relationship.  She tried not to think about it, but she was lonely and wanted

a man to share every aspect of his life with her, not just the bedroom.  So in her

desperation, she accepted date after date, each one ending the same way, never

finding her soul mate.  At least, not until now.  When Adonis promised to call the

next day, he called.  Three years had gone by and he was still calling.

The telephone rang, startling Rejina from her reverie. She waited for Adonis

to pick up the extension in the bedroom, but after five rings the answering machine

picked up. She didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but short of leaving the room, she had

no choice but to listen.  So she listened:

“Hi honey, it’s Rosa. How are you?  I’m sorry I couldn’t spend some quality

time making love to the most handsome man in the world, but I have to make

the money.  Anyway, I’m free now so I thought I’d come over. You told me to

call first, so here’s your call.

You are probably sleeping with someone, and maybe we can make it a threesome

with a lot of condoms, of course. I know you’re the kind of man who needs more

than one woman or you’ll get bored. I love you Adonis, so I’m willing to play your

games, thank you very much. I have no problem with that. Give me a call to let me

know, honey bun. I can be there in two hours.  I love you anyway.”

The end-of-message beep sounded and Rejina was shocked at the pain she felt. 

Although she knew infidelity was a possibility, she had truly believed Adonis was

faithful to her.  So now she knew for sure.  Adonis was sleeping with this Rosa

person and who knew how many other women.  She suppressed the urge to vomit

on his clean tile floor, forcing the bile back down.  How could she have been so stupid? 

Did she really, in her innermost being, think that Adonis was a one-woman man? 

Would someone who looked like him, who could have his pick of almost any woman

in the world, really pick an old fat hag like her to be his forever woman?  The pain

was overwhelming.  How could she think that an over-the-hill fat woman could keep

someone like Adonis for herself only when there seemed to be so many more women

than men in the dating pool?  Obviously this Rosa knew how Adonis operated and it

didn’t seem to bother her, but it bothered Rejina, it bothered her a lot. 

Rejina ran into the bathroom to hide her tears in the shower.  She turned the water

on as hot as it would go, letting the scalding water sear a path down her body, ignoring

the pain as her tears flowed unchecked.  Something had to be done, but what?  She

could ignore it, make some excuse and leave before Rosa showed up or she could

confront Adonis and see if there was a different explanation for what she heard. 

Maybe it was an old girlfriend trying to get back with him……not.  Rejina knew

Rosa was very much a current event in Adonis’ life.

 Fifty minutes later Rejina stepped from the now cold shower. She dried herself

off and then reached for her robe, tying the belt snuggly as she hugged herself,

feeling the cold penetrating to her bones.  She walked into the bedroom and stared

at him, still sleeping like a baby.  Why had she ever let herself get involved with him? 

Her best friend, Terri had warned her to stay away from him. When he started flirting

with Terri right after Rejina began dating him, she ignored Terri’s warning and gave

him another chance.

She sat down in the black leather chair near the window, staring at the beautiful view

of the water, but not really seeing it. This time the healing water could not soothe her.

In fact, she thought there was nothing that could heal the pain.

She reviewed her options again.  Ignore or confront?  What would give her the least

heartache?  She could ignore the situation, act like she never heard the call from

Rosa and things could go on as they were, with her living in her little fairy tale world. 

To be fair to Adonis, he had never seemed to have a problem with her weight, taking

her everywhere he went and never, ever referring to it or her for that matter, in a

disparaging way.  For that reason alone, Rejina loved him, but there was so much

more to him.  He was smart, funny, wonderful with children and animals, gave his

meager spare time to his favorite charity, he was attentive to her and he was an

innovative and considerate lover.

Rejina turned to look at him as he turned over in bed, still not waking.  How

could he sleep with all the turmoil in the condo...? He was truly a work of art.

How could she have ever thought he was hers exclusively? She should have

listened to Terri, who had much more experience of the dating world than Rejina. 

Rejina felt like going to the kitchen and eating everything in the fridge, especially

the double fudge chocolate ice cream.  Maybe she might try the Sara Lee cheesecake

too, the one with cherries on top.

She considered doing that now, but dismissed the idea.  She never ate fattening

foods in front of men, but when she got home, she pigged out on everything fattening

in her refrigerator, and she had plenty of ice cream, and cheesecake of her own. She

couldn’t wait to get home. She decided to go home before Adonis woke and put off the confrontation for a few days while she decided how best to handle the situation.

Rejina wondered what Rosa would say if she got to Adonis’ home and found her there. 

Part of her wanted to stay and find out, but she was too afraid that she would repel

Rosa.  She was probably gorgeous, tall and slender, the ideal woman for Adonis.

Rejina had often thought about having sex with another woman but was too insecure

about her size to approach anyone.  Since most men didn’t seem to see her as anything

more than a one-night stand, why would a woman be any different?  She dreamed

about it, but knew she was missing out on a lot of life’s pleasures because of her

weight.

However, she really felt that if it were meant for her to be petite, then she’d be

petite.  Why couldn’t fat women find happiness in this world?  Rejina shook her

head as the tears started again. She turned back to the window to stare at the

water as if it would answer her questions. She knew she needed to ask herself

some hard questions and make some life-affirming decisions…. and soon.

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1ST BOOK REVIEW - Amazon.com

Smart, contemporary romance, June 26, 2006

Reviewed by Joanne Benham for Reader Views (6/06)

Sassy, plus-size model Rejina James has a problem with Adonis Jones, her

photographer boyfriend. After several years of dating, Adonis has decided that

before he can make a lifetime commitment, Rejina needs to lose some weight.

Heart-broken, her self-esteem shattered, Rejina takes a long leave of absence

from her job and with the help of her friends and a workout guru, she finally loses

the weight, just like Adonis wanted. Now they can get married and live happily

ever after, right?

Wrong...Adonis decides he liked Rejina better when she was heavy and had

something for a man to hold on to. Enraged, Rejina goes on a rampage. Woe

betides the man who has the nerve to even look at her.

This is a smart, contemporary tale of modern romance and the lengths to which

we will go in pursuit of that perfect mate.

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